Coffee Meditation

Ever since I can remember, it HURT to wake up in the morning. Anyone who woke up before noon was crazy and the people that were waking up early to workout were just insane. As much as I wanted to be someone who was able to get up, get ready and relax before leaving the house, I knew it was never going to happen because I was SO good at staying up late. With 2 years of practice, I’m finally getting better at waking up peacefully.

Typically, I’ve been able to wake up naturally without alarm around 7:30/8:00am. My first instinct is always to EAT because breakfast is usually my biggest meal of the day. I walk over to the kitchen and spend about 2 minutes evaluating my hunger, reviewing my workouts from the day before and deciding what type of fuel I’ll need to make it through the day. For example, if I have a hard cardio workout planned for early afternoon, I’ll have a bagel as the main component of my breakfast. If I know that I have a low volume easy day with a little bit of yoga, I’ll eat spinach, egg whites, and feta cheese with a whole grain English muffin. While making the breakfast decision, I get my coffee started. Yes, I am totally addicted to coffee. This is what I have learned about myself- if I don’t have my coffee immediately, I start eating sugar and won’t stop. A non-coffee morning usually becomes a sugar binge followed by a crash a few hours later. If I have my coffee in my hand or at least know that it’s coming, I will make better decisions when choosing what to eat. I can afford to be in zombie mode for a few minutes without seeking a sugar high if I know coffee, my savior, is there for me.

Taking time to find clarity in my thoughts
After I have finished eating my breakfast, I walk into my living room take a seat on the floor and begin my meditation. I put a calming station on Pandora radio, sit Indian style and breathe deeply. I have been reading a book that teaches you how to focus your thoughts on what you really want in life and allow your mind to follow that path without interjecting with what you DON’T want. Whenever I attempted mediation in the past, my goal was always to numb my thoughts. I would clear my head and whenever my mind started to wander, I’d tell myself to just STOP thinking. Well, let’s just say that yes, it is calming to just focus on breathing and really let yourself enter that state of psychophysical relaxation but it’s not easy. I always felt like I was failing because I couldn’t stop thinking! So, just recently I have found something that works for me but doesn’t necessarily fall into the official “mediation” category. Instead of ignoring my thoughts, I listen to them. The first time I sat down and devoted time to my thoughts I realized that I never finished a thought. If I was feeling unhappy, I didn’t take the time to really figure out why I was unhappy. If I thought about something I wanted, I didn’t really focus on why I wanted it and if it really was what I wanted. As I get more comfortable analyzing my thoughts I notice that my inner dialogue helps me sort though the thoughts that before were just cluttering my brain. Usually I ask, “what do you want”. It’s not fair to always complain about being unhappy, or to think “life’s not fair” if you’re not taking the time to decide what it is that will actually make you happy. This is what I want. This is why I deserve to have what I want. I complete these lists and find that most of my time is spent rewording or redirecting thoughts about what I didn’t want. If you focus your energy on what you don’t want, that’s what you’ll get. If you focus your energy on what you want, that’s what you’ll get. Simple.
The hardest part for me has been accepting that I was responsible for any unhappiness in my life. If I didn’t get along with someone, I had to accept that somehow I have brought this negativity into my life. Saying that you don’t want enemies brings enemies. I personally believe that whenever I am in an argument with someone I have brought that argument into my life because I wanted the competition, I wanted the opportunity to show that I have the strength to rise from the ashes after a fight. Sick and twisted, I know. So now I can say that I want to peacefully interact with the people around me. I want others to learn from me just as I can learn from them. If I’m witnessing someone else struggle with their ability to be positive, I can understand that it’s up to them to sort through their thoughts and not up to me to tell them how to feel. I have learned that the best I can do is uplift through my example of well-being.

Pockets of happiness
I once went on a cruise with my friends and I couldn’t believe how happy everyone was. It felt like everyone was smiling at you and no one was passing judgment. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this way. I came to understand that the reason everyone was happy was because they were on vacation. Being on a cruise ship without cell phone service and no access to all of your worries at home means you can finally just...relax and be happy. I deserve this vacation. I deserve to be happy. This way of thinking leads to that comfortable feeling. When I started working out at Fraser Bicycle in the lab I got the same cruise ship vibe. Everyone was happy. The people in the lab were there because they wanted to be there. They had decided before entering the lab that they want to improve themselves. They want to become a better version of themselves. As I got to know the athletes, I discovered that everyone seemed to have “a story”. The stories ranged from weight loss journeys to alcoholism, drugs and divorce. Regardless of the topic, I noticed everyone had one thing in common- they went through a time in their life when they were unhappy and they are here today because they have learned what it takes to make them happy --An awakening. Each story resulted in an awakening where they made inner peace a priority. Interacting with these people is like a breath of fresh air. It’s hard to describe the feeling you get when you have a conversation with someone who is completely comfortable with who they are and fully accepting of who you are. A genuine interaction without judgment. It’s hard to find, but when you enter one of these pockets of happiness whether it be a cruise ship or a fitness facility, you never want to leave.

This blog started with my morning coffee routine. To some, it’s just a cup of joe, to me, it’s something to hold onto when I’m entering my roller coaster ride of emotions. Each sip is followed by a thought; each thought isn’t complete until I make myself smile. It has been easier for me to start my day with a smile instead of starting my day looking for a reason to smile. As I discover what it is that will make me happy, I find someone or something that meets that criteria. Knowing me makes it much easier to get to know others. It takes work to be happy, a lot of work, but when you experience the reward for your hard work, you know it’s worth it.