The Independent Dependent

I was reading through some sample interview questions and one really struck a chord.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 4 with 1 being independent and 4 dependent on others. Where do you prefer to be?

I read the first part and thought, ONE for sure! My middle name is independent. Kelly Clarkson wrote that song about me. Then I read the second question and thought, shit, it's a trick. I really started thinking and decided, maybe I'm a 1.5. Then I got pretty pissed about how it was only a 4 point scale. It should at least have an odd number so there's a middle. (This is when my sidetracked mind went astray.)

I am independent because I can do anything if I just try. I know, spare me the motivational speech, but I mean it. With technology and the availability of resources, I feel like I can find an answer to any question...and this worries me. Should I be more dependent?

I once had a conversation with one of my marketing professors that I worked with for several months as a Research Scholar. I told him how I was worried that the youth of America was losing respect for their elders because they no longer needed "grandma's secret recipe" or had to call their dad when they wanted to learn how to check their oil. Now there's recipes.com and hundreds of youtube videos showing you how. I was concerned that it was happening without my control-that because I had an iphone, I was missing out on interactions I may have had with family members. I told him that I didn't want to feel smarter than the adults in my life just because I knew how to use computers and they didn't. It bothered me that my professor didn't know how to use his flip phone and how he talked about facebook as if it was a foreign country. It frustrated me watching him try to open the files from my flash drive and click around the screen through his reading glasses to solve the mystery on how to save it to his computer. I hated this feeling. This man was a damn genius. In class, I would listen, fully captivated for hours and hours but in this instance, I was actually starting to feel sorry for him. Then, he said one very important word to me: Wisdom. Yes, you can find your answers on Google, but the reason you go to Grandma for her secret recipe is because of her greatest virtue- her wisdom.

Wisdom is a deep understanding and realizing of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to choose or act to consistently produce the optimum results with a minimum of time and energy. It is the ability to optimally (effectively and efficiently) apply perceptions and knowledge and so produce the desired results. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action.

To paraphrase: Wisdom is like the ultimate Google search.

Yes, I am independent in the fact that I am strong enough to make decisions on my own but my independence also allows me to (on my own) seek direction from others. In order for me to become dependent, I look for:

• Expertise

• Wisdom

• Experience

Say I want to look up a recipe for carrot cake. There are 1 bazillion recipes for carrot cake. I could spend hours re-wording my search, reading reviews, and I could even start seeking out opportunities to taste other people's carrot cake, but is this the most "effective and efficient" way to find a recipe? NO! You call up Aunt Cathy, "the baker" of the family and ask her for her recipe because you know she's the Queen of the Carrot Cake!

This is only a simple example. Seeking wisdom seems to be most imperative when seeking advice about...life. Google search "the secret to a happy family" and this is what you'll find: A list of 15 tips, A link to catholic family television, a blog, a travel website (take your kids to disney world!), an Evangelical Baptist sermon and books on Amazon. Click. Click. Click. Is there any chance that anyone would really walk away from this Google search with the secret to a happy family? Doubt it. These secrets are uncovered through conversations with the wise around you.

Did you ever meet someone who is fascinated by every word the other person speaks, no matter who he is talking to? That's a rich life! As the Sages say: "Who is the wise person? He who learns from all people."

I like to talk. I walk away from EVERY conversation having a better understanding of life. I love to learn. Luckily, I have spent the last 3 years of my life surrounded by some of the wisest, richest souls. I interacted with human beings that all seemed to have experienced "an awakening" at some point in their life and now they speak with full awareness of who they are and where they've been. These people have learned from their mistakes and have also valued the lessons taught to them by others. I was never trained as a salesperson, so I don't know all the techniques on how to get someone to start talking but I have learned that if I ask someone a question and GENUINELY care to hear the answer, a good conversation is always the result. It might be selfish to say that even when I'm talking to someone about themselves, I'm always scanning to figure out 1-how I can learn from this information and 2-how I can pass this information along.

I used to think that I needed to prove to people that I could do it all and I didn't need anyone to show me the way. In my later years of life (...ages 20-22) I've realized that the real answer is to admit that you can always learn more...especially from other people! The independent dependent. I still rate myself a 1.5. One is just cold.