ReTIRED

Every time I sit down to write a blog, I feel like I want the first sentence to be “sorry, it’s been so long” but I think now it’s just time that I accept that I come back to this blog sporadically throughout my life and I’m never going to get on a regular schedule of frequency with which I’d like to share my life with the world. Not to turn this post into a big therapy session in the first paragraph, but this “journal neglect” (self-diagnosed issue) probably stems from that Saturday detention my bitch of an English teacher gave me in 9^th grade for “throwing” (tossing) my journal from my desk to the box in which we stored our journals. I still haven’t emotionally rebounded from the false accusation of being a threat to my peers (apparently notebooks act just like razor blades when traveling in 3 feet of space or more and 9^th graders just can’t take that kind of hit…assuming someone coulda/woulda thrown their body into my notebook). Looks like I might need to save this deep dive exploration into my journaling issues for another post, so I will move on (even though it still stings).

The real purpose of this post is to explain my “retirement” from triathlon. First, let me give you the quick background story-

In November 2007 I lost a bunch of weight. May of that year I starting riding a bicycle. Nov ’08 I started training to get faster on my bike. January 09 I learned how to run and swim. May 09 I started Triathlon. By August ’09 I had won several races and the “Sprint series”. Nov ’09 I signed up for ironman. Nov’10 I podium finished in my age group at Ironman. November’11 I competed at Long Course Worlds on Team USA. Mid-November 2011- RETIRED.

During all of that I also completed my bachelor degree in 4 years and became certified as a USAT coach.

Yes, my “official” triathlon career was exactly 3 years long and I haven’t even left the 20-24 age group I started in. I know, sounds like a pretty quick stint in a sport that many grow old in but let me explain-

When I refer to my retirement, first and foremost I am referring to my state of mind. I wanted to take a step back from the pressure of always training for an important race. I wanted to explore other options and try things I have never done before without worrying about how it would affect my performance during my schedule workouts or next race. I also wanted to put other areas of my life on the forefront instead of always keeping my selfish race goals in the immovable top section of my priority list. You can only be sooo proud of yourself. Eventually, people don’t applaud your success in the sport if it is obvious that you’ve let everything (including your sanity) take a hit in order to gain that success. Anyone who puts in the time, has a good teacher and has the discipline to follow a plan can get GREAT in this sport. So, every time you see a really great age grouper you have to ask- what did they give up to get there? Luckily for me, I was able to make it work. (Didn’t realize until after typing it how literal that statement was). I was able to work in the sport to afford most of the tools necessary to race and had a flexible enough schedule that I was able to plan my workouts around my school and work schedule. I can’t list all of the things that I missed over the last 3 years because it’s not until you become AVAILABLE that you actually get to experience the unplanned, exciting moments that life has to offer. I no longer plan every minute of every day but I haven’t gone a day without having a full day of things to do. Things just come up. And these “things” are the things I was missing out on when I was training full time for my race. I hate to sound so bitter, but it seems like anytime I find myself envying someone else’s success, I rarely want to have their life, just their success in that specific area. So, until I’m able to make every area of my life as successful as my time in triathlon, I will not continue to seek fulfillment from that piece of the puzzle. Make sense? I am not going to be any happier overall if I get better at triathlon. There are so many other areas of my life that I would like to give attention to like I did for this hobby. It’s time to make the big picture brighter.

I’ve also noticed that once you’re “in it” it’s hard to get out of the habit of 1)spending all of your disposable income on the sport 2) say no to a teammate that asks “hey are you racing in (insert random state or country that USAT wants to rape my wallet at)”. So, my big declaration of retirement is my new 1-2 year excuse for why I’m not going to all of those places. When it comes down to making a decision about spending money on traveling for a race that I don’t really want to do to qualify for a race that I can’t afford- I’m not doing it. Fortunately and unfortunately, this sport is not made for kids my age so naturally the people that I race with tend to have progressed further down their career path than me. Translation: they are older than me and have more money. They’ve all been very helpful and understanding of what the salary of someone at the beginning of their road to riches is like. But, in the end it will be up to me to decide if the financial decisions I make regarding this sport are really practical in the long run and I have to stop and wonder if they were putting this type of energy into a hobby when they were advancing on their career path or if perhaps their passion was their job and that’s why they have the success and freedom to participate in this sport now.

This year I got a discount on my car insurance because I’m getting older. I’m taking this aging thing very seriously and trying to set myself up for a great future! The last few years have been a dream come true and just like every child star wonders- is there any way the future can be better? I say yes damnit! I look back and can say that I’ve accomplished every goal I’ve ever set for myself. I’ve achieved all I’ve wanted to achieve in this sport so it’s time to sit back and reevaluate. Will a new goal within in the same sport arise? Perhaps. During meditation one morning, I actually tried to picture myself racing at Kona. I saw myself standing on the podium looking down for all of the people in my life that I cared about and couldn’t find them. When I visualize my family and friends during meditation- I ALWAYS smile. When I visualized reaching the pinnacle of triathlon success…I saw myself looking for my loved ones. No smile. I had considered that goal, but then realized it was never my goal (it was that of everyone around me) but maybe one day it will be. Will I branch off and use my powerhouse heart to learn another endurance sport? More likely. I really don’t have a clue, but unlike most Januarys in past years… I’m not trying to figure it out.

So, in the meantime, I’m still training because it is part of my life. EVERYONE in my life knows that this is just what I do. It’s what I do for fun and it just doesn’t make sense to stop. Instead of training to get better, I’m researching the best way to get faster. I’m trying new things, exploring new ideas and helping others learn the sport. I will still do some local races, but these events no longer dictate my summer plans. I may still train and race more than most non-retirees but if anyone knows what I was like during my peak months of exercise addiction you’ll know that my current workout volume is easily classified as ‘retirement’ in comparison.

So that’s it. I’m not taking it back, I’m retired. And yea, I’ll probably pull a Brett Favre/Michael Jordan and have a comeback (or two) but only to keep things interesting. Who said triathlon was drama free? This is weak material compared to some of the historical and current issues of the triathlon tabloids…lemme tell ya. J